Shattered Porcelain
by Miss Doll
Summary: Very simply put, this is a story of a strange man and a beautiful boy and the destrution that is caused between them from their meeting; yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Shattered Porcelain

I do not own Death Note, nor its characters.

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion"

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chapter one: skim milk

Light was something beautiful, something wonderful and grand, upon a pedestal of pure glass. He was untouchable, like a fragile angel, only to be handled with the gentlest care. If used to roughly, he could scar and scuff, and that would not be wanted, oh dear me, no.

It was, of course, precisely why BB found Light so nice as his next obsession. His perfection, his grace, his innocence so very untainted and just waiting to be dirtied by someone like him. He had been wondering if there was anything fun left in the world and then, boom, Light showed up. Such a nice boy shouldn't have been where he was at the time, but what did BB care? To see Light was to see brilliance unlike any other.

BB had obsessions. He went from one to another, like shoes, trying one on and wearing it until it became ugly, then discarding it in favor of a prettier model. Each one had to be finished the same way, to destroy it in the end. BB didn't like anyone having what he had already had. He was, in fact, a very possessive person. He believed in first come first serve, but he also enjoyed taking things from others. It was a secret thrill, he thought, to see that empty look upon a person's face when what they loved most was stolen by BB.

Light was BB's obsession now, and now, BB would have Light, no matter what. It was simply how it was. Fate, if you will, destiny, drove him to the boy and brought the boy to him. It was as it always was, tragic of course, but what did BB care for tragedy? His life passed him as a, oh, what would it be, a comedy, filled with silly people who did nothing but wonder and fall on their faces. BB never did any of that. He was far too intelligent to do that, and gazing at the Light child, he realized that the boy also thought above the silly people.

A match made in heaven, he thought wickedly, as he often did, watching the boy's elegant legs walk up the street and around the corner, marking the first day of BB's obsession and the countdown to Light's last breath.

* * *

Silky smooth skin slid into one pant leg, and then into another. Light pulled it up and zipped his slacks, so that they fit tightly across his middle. He smiled and pulled from his closet a blue shirt, not too dressy, but classy. That was how Light preferred it. Classy, like a fine wine, or a well cut pair of trousers, was not fancy, it was elegant, bold and yet simple and soft in the same. Light enjoyed classy, as he thought him self to be that. He slipped into the shirt and took a moment to look at him self in the glossy mirror that rested upon his vanity.

The clear, smooth surface of the reflection echoed back to him all that he had known it would. A beautiful young man, fresh out of high school and in college, in a very nice outfit, about to be off to a date with his lovely lady friend, whom he was in love with, no doubt. Ah yes, Light nodded to the mirror, his smile faltering for a moment before it returned.

Classy.

* * *

BB spit out the milk he had drank. It tasted of water. His fingers gripped the carton he had bought and he gazed at the logo. Ah, he thought, so that was the problem.

Skim milk. He frowned and scrunched his face. He hated skim milk. It tasted like it was with out taste, a contradicting beverage that left a somewhat vile aftertaste in his mouth. He tapped his fingers to the carton and flicked it off the table. It fell and hit the floor, spilling nicely in a big puddle. One of the several million cats that infested BB's room came over and lapped at it. Its little pink tongue flicked out and pressed to the cool surface of the milk, quickly retracting it back once it tasted the nasty liquid. Its face screwed up in a disgusted manner. It turned to BB and gave him a face, as if to tell him that it was his entire fault.

He glared at the cat and got up to face it. He picked it up with his thin, strong fingers, stroking it. He began to sing softly to it in Italian, as it relaxed in his grip. Just as it began to nuzzle against him, he jerked his fingers to its neck and snapped it. He let the limp body fall to the floor, landing on the milk and causing it to splash. Little droplets of milk wet the edges of BB's jeans and he kneeled down to poke at the motionless body of the cat. He picked his small carving knife out of his pocket and skimmed it across the body of the thing, slightly nicking its sin, the blood tainting the once white skin of the milk red as the rose.

BB placed his knife down and touched his finger to the surface, bringing it back up to lick at it. The taste was bitter, the iron of the blood so very strange and sharp in his mouth. He smiled. A taste to the milk, he thought, how lovely is this tasteless drink now that it has the life blood in it of a cat.

He tapped a finger to his chin. What did perchance the Light child taste like, with the hint of blood to season?

* * *

Light walked up the street, almost to the restaurant, almost there to see his beloved, but almost was not enough. Thin, strong fingers pulled him back and as he fought against them (so difficult, for they were so very strong, like ropes almost), he could hear the sound of a man's voice, soft, yet sharp, singing quietly in Italian.

"_La miei bellezza, così bello, non voi sonno qui con me fra le stelle__."_

He wriggled against the grasp of his attacker, but his efforts were in vain. So strong were his hands and so faintly he could hear now, everything fading. He felt the dull prick of a needle break his skin and he tried so very hard to ignore the feeling of the wet blood trickling down his neck. The world began to fade to black, like the end of a movie, and Light felt something touch the wound made by the needle. Fainter than faint, he heard some one whisper in his ear;

"Does even the great Light Yagami taste of skim milk without the touch of blood to flavor?"

Then, all was black.

* * *

BB watched as the boy's eyes fluttered open. So elegant, he thought, so refined, even as he wakes. No mortal could this boy be, he pondered, surely some sort deity. The rhymes in his head were the result of his giddiness. Oh yes, it was that lovely Light child he had locked in his room, up in the red brick building, on the bed, creaky and old. He smiled and dared to press his finger down Light's jaw line. Light's eyes snapped open and he looked frantically at BB. BB noted what a lovely hue of caramel they had.

"What do you want with me?"

BB sighed and stopped the stroking of Light's face, his fingers halting between the nose and lip. This answer was not so easily told. It was so very difficult to explain to someone such as Light why BB did things. He went for as straightforward an answer as he could muster.

"You are my obsession."

Light stared blankly at the man. His body was trembling from fear. Who was this man, so frightening and different, with his dark red eyes and thin limbs, wild ebony hair and pale skin, such a contrast was he? BB grinned as Light formed words with his mouth that died before he could open his lips to speak them.

"I've always liked," BB began, trailing off as his fingers continued downward, "pretty things. I like to collect them, and as soon as I grow tired of my new pretty thing, I get rid of it. I like to have things, but I don't like other people having my things you see? I'm very selfish and at times, very childish. I should hope Light is not bothered by this."

Light cringed at the sound of his name.

"How do you know my name?"

BB pointed to his eyes.

"I can see everything, even the number of days left on your life. Poor Light, you have so few left. I wonder if it's because of me?" He put a finger to his lip and mockingly pretended to think about it, eyes widened in innocence. BB looked down at Light.

"But I suppose you'd rather not know."

Light shook his head and moved his hand, only to find it was chained to the bed post. He looked, frightened, at BB, who shrugged.

"Couldn't have Light running away. That would be silly."

Light breathed in and looked at BB, making eye contact.

"Okay," he said, "I don't want to cause any trouble. I would like it you released me now please. I shouldn't want to bring terrible consequences upon you. My father is the chief of the NPA, you know."

"Oh, yes," BB said, taking back his fingers, touching them to his lips, "I know who your father is little Light child. Bear in mind that he shall not be able to find you, not here. The records will show I do not exist, I am no where to be seen but here." Light couldn't move, his body seemed to stop all its shakings.

"You do not exist?" BB shook his head and smiled disarmingly, turning his head to the right in a vaguely innocent manner. Light furrowed his brow in confusion and his lips pursed in concentration.

"That's impossible. No one can not exist. It is altogether far too," at this he paused and looked to BB, who was nibbling on his finger, "too, oh well, far too…"

"Strange?"

Light nodded. "Yes, for you to be unknown by anyone would be completely illogical."

BB grinned and chuckled quietly.

"Yes, you enjoy logical don't you? Ah, now Light, you see, you must think me strange in many accounts, do you not?"

"I do, in fact." Light said, "You are quite strange, in your appearance especially."

"And," BB continued, drawing out his words, "I suppose you think your self quite beautiful in your appearance, yes?"

Light frowned and bit his lips. "Not that word exactly. I would, however, say that I am indeed attractive, in a sense. Perhaps not beautiful, but…"

"Ahhh, Light should not short hand himself like that. He is quite beautiful, in the traditional sense of outward appearance."

Light turned his head sharply, his left eyebrow raising slightly.

"What is it you mean by 'outward' appearance?"

BB grinned. "I mean that your outward appearance is attractive, but I've yet to see if your mind compares. You see," he said, gesturing around him to show the whole room, in all its empty glory, "in here, I've decided that what is strange can be instead thought of as beautiful, as of course, it is not in the world," at this he gestured to the window on the wall facing the outside world, "out there."

Light looked around him self, taking in the room's apparent qualities.

"So, if I have this correct, you've created what you believe is a sanctuary for the more strange of society," he said, "where it is not the beautiful that are treasured, but the strange and unwanted?"

"Heh," BB chuckled, "No, I've not made one for others, only for me and my few obsessions. Of course, you have now become one of them, so you will be spending whatever is left of your life here, in this place." Light's eyes widened and he frantically began to yank at the chain on his bed. The dull tings against the metal of the bed post echoed in the room, as did BB's laughter.

"Ah," BB muttered, "Light does serve to amuse me. You see Light, it is without the strange people that we are like," here he tapped a finger to his chin, and then, remembering, he pointed to the body of the cat in the milk, "like that skim milk. We are with out taste, and can not be consumed by those with taste buds. The only way you are to have taste buds is if you have a brain and those who do have said brain are like the blood of the cat in the milk. There is a spark of taste that causes the general population to be shocked, but you see, sometimes this spark of taste is thought of as disgusting or vile, because there are those with out taste buds who wish to spoil the fun of those with taste buds."

Light stopped his movements and turned to BB, giving him an astonished look.

"So you are basically saying that those who are outcasts and think they are above society are the ones who are truly the intelligent ones?"

BB shook his head once more. "It is not a question of being an outcast Light. It is really a question of if you are the blood or the milk. That is why I have obsessions. I prefer to find things that are blood to the skim milk of life. That is what I hope you are Light. So, in truth, I ask this, I suppose."

He turned to Light and cocked his head to the side, his fingers reaching out and capturing Light's chin, tilting it upwards so that Light's eyes met his.

"Are you blood or milk?"

And there he left the boy, staring at the space where BB had been, thinking of the question he'd been asked. He touched the spots BB had touched and shivered at the thought of those fingers touching anywhere else.

He glanced over at the dead cat, its fur matted from the wetness of the skim milk. He wondered how long it had been there, if BB had killed it. BB probably had, he would not have put it past the frightening man.

The question echoed in his mind, quietly reciting itself to him as if a poetic verse memorized from a book.

_Are you blood or milk? _Well, he mused quietly, I suppose I shall find out soon.

* * *

the end of chapter one: skim milk

* * *

A.N. Yes, I'm starting this and hoping to finish. I'm rating it M for the death and things like that. It will be a lot of nonsensical jargon of BB explaining the concepts of things to Light in a different way then he is used to, and some love thrown in for fun. I do intend to bring L in as well, but not as a main character (gasp!), as a side character. This is, in fact, AU. No Death Note in it, I'm afraid…

BB is always portrayed as very insane and mad, but it is rarely explained insanity, only used for carnage. I write this with the hope of giving BB a different sort of face, one of explained madness. He is strange, but in a way that was shaped by a world that has not treated him fairly.

Also, there are not enough BB and Light stories and I really think their characters as a whole are very interesting, if ever they were to meet.

Please review…


	2. Chapter 2

Shattered Porcelain

I do not own Death Note, nor its characters

"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."

-Oscar Wilde

Chapter Two: wounds

It had been, if Light's inner clock was correct, two days and eight hours since he had seen the world apart from the small view from the window. He supposed tiredly, that he should be grateful, seeing as he was no longer chained to the bed. Now he could wander aimlessly about the room in which he kept. BB was always there, and he did offer stimulating conversation, but Light was unnerved by this man, if not wholly, than partially, by his red eyes. Light avoided speaking to BB unless necessary.

He wandered over to the small kitchen, stepping over the rotting cat. Neither he or BB had really made any effort to clean it. He felt a pang of sympathy for the creature; it probably didn't even know what was happened when it had been killed. Gazing at it, the feeling passed and he looked at it with apathy, pouring himself a cup of what looked to be coffee. He held the chipping cup close to his face and tried to take from it what little warmth it provided. The window that he was facing in the kitchen looked out on a busy street, bustling with people of all shapes and sizes.

Two women walked in perfect sync, their skirts swishing this way and that way, while a man with a hat and coat on, both midnight black in color, stared at them with a longing expression on his long face. A young child danced down the street, holding a toy airplane, moving it up and down as he skipped. A bedraggled young woman chased after him, carrying a baby and two grocery store bags. Then two men, walking slinkily down the sidewalk, whistling at the women they passed, although their eyes lingered on each other and other men a little too long.

Light leaned on the window, staring listlessly at the people inhabiting the world he no longer could be in. They all seemed so tired and grey, so colorless, so very...he searched for the right word. Very dull. Like blobs of nothing, each person similar to the one that followed.

'This world,' he thought, 'is so boring.'

"Isn't it odd," BB said, startlingly Light, as his voice had come from nowhere, "that the people out there think they are so normal, when they really are far more delusional then us?" Light winced slightly.

"Why do you say us?"

BB grinned.

"I like to think that Light is different like me, in a different way of course." He turned to Light, who frowned and crossed his arms, his sleeves falling over his fingers.

Light had no clothes of his own, only the ones he'd been wearing when kidnapped. When he had woken up the next morning, he had been unchained from the bed with a pile of shirts and jeans on the end of his bed. Half of them smelled of dirt and grunge, which gave Light the impression that none of the articles had ever been washed. The pile consisted of a few black and/or white shirts that were at least 2 sizes too big for Light, and a pair of jeans that seemed worn thin and hung low on Light's hips, which were lithe already and becoming smaller.

"Perhaps…" Light said, trailing off as he rubbed his thin arms through the cloth, "But I suppose I don't go around stealing people in the night." He looked over at BB and smiled for the first time, a wry grin to show what he said was a joke. BB looked startled at first, for Light had never shown a sense of humor in the days before, then smiled back at the boy. Light walked back over to the kitchen and placed his cup in the sink, looking back down at the cat. He blinked and looked up to BB.

"Are you going to clean that up?"

BB looked at the cat and raised his eye brow.

"No, probably not."

Light nodded, as if he'd expected as much, and walked around the cat. He boredly prodded the thing with his foot and looked over at BB.

"What am I to do with myself all day, while you're off," he paused here and made a swinging gesture with his hand, as if to communicate his lack of knowledge of BB's activities during the day, "doing what ever it is you do?" I mean to say, well, it gets quite boring around the house. There is very little to do around here."

BB held up a finger and disappeared off to the side, leaving Light standing there until he returned. In his hands he held a mop, broom, and several sponges.

"Here," he said, thrusting the cleaning products at Light, "Clean. It will keep you from being bored." Light gave BB an incredulous look and BB just grinned and walked off. Staring at the spot that BB had just been in, Light came to the sudden realization that he didn't even know the name of this man. Yet here he was, holding a broom and wearing HIS clothes, about to clean the home of the man who had just kidnapped him.

'Perhaps,' he thought to himself while rolling up his sleeves, 'the world isn't so boring.'

* * *

On his hands and knees, Light was scrubbing the floor of the musty room when BB walked into the room dragging a body with him. Light frowned and scrunched up his face.

"What is that?"

BB turned his head sharply, as if he'd forgotten Light had existed. He pulled up the leg of what looked to be young woman and glanced at it thoughtfully.

"It's a dead body."

"You killed someone."

BB nodded. Light frowned again and thought about how he was to respond to this. He went back to cleaning and BB began to drag the body again, stopping only as Light called out softly.

"Why?"

BB paused. He'd never truly bothered to think about it, because none of his other obsessions bothered to ask him about it. They'd always been too scared that they would be next. He wondered if the Light child carried the same fear. He doubted it.

"I wish to send a message to someone."

"Oh," Light said, nodding and scrubbing as he did, "Who, exactly, is the message for?"

BB frowned.

"I can not tell you that Light," BB said before grinning and pressing a finger to his lips, "It's a secret."

Light frowned, but continued to scrub the floor as BB went back to dragging the body.

* * *

L bit his thumb and stared at the picture that had been sent to him. It was, to say the least, disturbing, but L had seen it all before. A young woman sprawled in an alley way, her body covered in bruises, and her throat was slashed. He rotated his thumb in his mouth as Watari came over to give him some files.

"The young lady's name was Laura Yellker. She was an American businesswoman in Japan for a business related trip. So far there are no suspects."

L nodded and stared at the screen. It was difficult to concentrate on this case when he had another one from Japan at his heels. The chief whom he'd worked with before's son had disappeared two days past and he'd rarely time to talk or discuss the thing with the task force. But there was something tugging at his conscious, something that seemed important, but he wasn't sure what exactly. He bit hard onto his thumb, his teeth sinking past the first layer of flesh. It was the name, he was sure of it. He repeated it slowly in his mind.

_Laura Yellker._

_Laaauuurrraaa Yellker._

_L. Y._

_Laura Yellker._

_Light Yagami._

_L. Y._

His eyes widened. It couldn't be. It simply couldn't. Impossible, impossible…

Or perhaps not, he mused. He picked up his phone between his thumb and forefinger and dialed carefully the number for Chief Inspector Yagami's household.

"Ah, yes, may I speak to the chief? It is rather urgent…"

* * *

Later on that night, BB walked into the room to see Light sitting on the bed, staring off into the white space that seemed to infest the room. He tried to walk silently, but was stopped by Light.

"Why do you murder them?"

BB cocked his head to the side and gave Light a puzzled look.

"I thought I'd already told Light of the reason."

"No," Light said, his eyes narrowing and looking up at BB with a glint in them BB had never seen before (not to say he didn't like it), "Why would you do that to another human? It is sick, insane. It is wrong."

BB scoffed.

"Wrong. Who are you to tell me what I do is wrong? Does not everyone murder? Each time you take a step, you indirectly cause the demise of another 'human', if that is what you wish to call them. I think the term is used altogether too loosely. A human is not what the people of this earth are. A human makes mistakes and realizes them. The people who inhabit the world believe they are perfect, that their way is fail safe. You see Light, no way is fail safe. Some how, some way, everything is corrupt. It is how the world turns. It is fate. You can not go around telling someone that they are wrong when you very well could be wrong as well. So presumptuous of you, Light, to assume that your point of view is the same as everyone else's."

Light frowned and shook his head.

"A murder is a murder. You can not justify that, not with all the fancy wording you enjoy."

BB nodded, internally grinning at the stiffness of Light's voice. He did not enjoy the pointed prodding at his beloved sense of justice. It was just as BB loved. To tear apart what made a person whole until they became simply broken. Destroyed. Oh, BB thrilled at it.

"Then how do the ones who set up the death penalty justify them selves hm? That is just as much murder as to strangle the person with your own two hands. The way they do it is just so they do not soil their clothing with the blood of their fellow man. Failure to recognize that they are just as much human as the man they try and convict simply backs my theory of the people relying far too much on their little rules that they hope will keep them safe from chaos. Silly, Light, to believe this is justice. Justice is not always the law, you see, because justice has not a single rule, while the law is made up of them. To say you support Justice through the Law is completely contradictory."

Light sighed and bit his lip in anger.

"If you go by your reasoning it is. In my opinion, it is without any backing. The men tried and convicted are guilty, they deserve the death penalty. They have had their chance at life; they have simply thrown it away. Should we allow them freedom when they could be stopped from terrorizing the innocent?"

BB laughed sharply.

"The innocent? You think that they are fair always? A man is corrupt from the beginning and is until the end. It is the fact of life. To allow them to judge other men is essentially a joke. It is decidedly ridiculous. You cannot have a criminal try a criminal with out it being some how unfair."

Light opened his mouth, but shut it and looked at BB. His eyes softened, and he smiled sadly.

"Someone you trusted hurt you once, didn't they?"

BB looked aghast.

"Why would Light say that?"

Light placed his fingers next to his mouth. His thumb traced the out line of his lips.

"I know because I acted like that when first I was hurt the same way. I learned to hide it. You learned to act out in murder. It simply a different way to deal with things. I fake things, you destroy them, all for the reason of trust. We promise ourselves never to trust another and therefore our judgment of the world around us is changed. We are destined to destroy and fake and destroy and fake until we find a trust we can believe in."

BB nodded, accepting the knowledge.

"And it is simply fate that the trust will be broken and we will continue our pattern until we die. We can not control it. It is how it is, that we are meant to destroy. Or at least I am. Without this destruction, I would surely destroy myself with my bottled emotion."

Light nodded and looked down again. Memories were flying back and he did not wish for them.

"Who was it that broke you trust?"

Light's head snapped up and he bit his lip. This was his secret, his one little piece of information that he clung to inside, trying to drown it with denial. He did not know if he could say it. He did not know if he could say it aloud with out fearing it's eventual truth showing it self to him, so that he could no longer whisper to himself it was simply a dream.

"I was, um, rejected by someone I loved very much."

"You are avoiding telling me the whole truth Light. Tell me, I shall not laugh, nor tease."

Light glared at him.

"Yes, you will. You will tell me that I allow my feelings to rule me to much, that I am not in control of myself, that I need to stop acting like a selfish child and clinging to what isn't there."

"I would not."

"Yes, you would, because that is what he did."

BB cocked his head to the side.

"Who is he?"

"The someone I loved very much. But I didn't think to ask he loved me. I thought, I thought," here he began to stutter as his voice quivered, "I thought that he would love me forever. I was wrong. We met when my father was working on a case with him, which I didn't know at the time, and began an affair. I would see him most days for tea and talk and I stupidly fell in love. I told him and, the bastard, said he felt the same way, only to two days later tell me he could not see me anymore because he no longer cared for me. I was left alone, with the illusion of love ripped from me and there I stayed for a while, all but dead to the world. I stopped one day and began to bury it into myself. No one would know, no one would know that I had been hurt, that I could be hurt. I thought if I looked like a normal, whole person, maybe my mind would follow. I wanted so bad to tell, to share some of my hurt and anger with someone, but no one wanted to listen to the real me. They wanted fake me, they wanted repressed, dying on the inside not the outside me. The real me just wanted to die and for everyone to die with me, but fake me couldn't. I was stuck and I still am. This person killed any sense of myself that I had."

He looked at BB, looking for any sign of laughter. BB remained silent. He got up and shuffled over to Light on the bed, standing above him and looking down at his face.

"Mine was a man I greatly respected. I wanted more than anything to be him. I wanted to be the best, just like him. He told I was not good enough. I wasn't good enough. I had been training my entire life away to become this man, giving up what hopes I had for anything else, all for this, this pot of gold at the end of a shitty rainbow. For what? To be told that I wasn't good enough. So I showed him I was good enough. I killed the man he was after and showed him. He told me I was crazy, insane, that I was not fit to be anything. He called the police and they took me away. I thought he would know, that he would understand the difference."

"What difference?" Light looked up at BB puzzled.

"The difference between insanity and being different. I explain, time and time again to people that I am not insane. I am different. People can not handle what is different from what they are, not realizing that different can kill as well as insanity. When you are different, it isn't as if you want to be that way, but people assume you are and shun you. Shunning causes you to became angry at the world and wish to destroy it as it destroyed you. Revenge. It is how you felt when your someone betrayed you and how I felt as well. There is no end to the cruelty of a human and there is no knowledge of the repercussions of your actions. No one realizes what you say is what affects others most. It is," here he searched for the word, and then, upon finding, twirled his fingers in Light's hair, "unfair."

Light nodded. He leaned into BB's touch and closed his eyes. BB crouched down so that he faced Light dead on and pushed open his eyes. Light's cheeks reddened and he opened his mouth to say something when BB kissed him. The press of lips against his own was something Light had forgotten and remembered now happily. BB broke from it and leaned Light down on the bed. Light's heart raced. BB lied down next to him and held him in his arms.

BB didn't know where the urge was coming from to hold the little Light child. He seemed so fragile, so delicate, the slightest slip would cause him to break. It was strange, BB had never felt such a thing like this before. It didn't seem natural and yet it did. He needed to comfort the boy. He needed to. BB never had needed to help another human. It was touching, he thought, that he could feel this way.

Singing softly in Italian in Light's ear, he felt the boy go limp in his arms, now asleep. He looked at the sleeping thing. Oh, wasn't he lovely? He looked like a pretty new porcelain doll, lips pink and glossy, hair soft and perfectly placed, skin so peachy and perfect that only the artificialness of glass could explain it. So graceful, so elegant, so wonderful in all the right places.

It would make it all the more sad when this toy broke too. It was such a nice one after all, BB thought, he wished he could keep it. But the letters, red as strawberrys, stayed above the Light child's head, reminding BB that it was tick tock until the boy's last breath was taken from him.

* * *

the end of chapter two: wounds

* * *

A.N. Ah, I'm tired. This took waaaaaaay too long. Sorry if BB's blathering is tiring you. Believe me, I'm getting tired of it to.

L is the story line, do dah, do dah, it is really lame right now, oh the do dah day. Heh, he'll play a bigger part, I promise. But later, when I've had more sleep.

I'm listening to the phantom of the opera for this. Ah, Music of the Night is good for this one you know. So is the beatles, sexy sadie is good, but that's just my strange music writing combo.

P.S. Sexy, Oscar Wilde is my favorite to quote. His work is just perfect to pick quotes from.

Please review…


	3. Chapter 3

Shattered Porcelain

I do not own Death Note, nor its characters.

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."

--Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

Chapter Three: birthday

Light looked at his fingers. His math couldn't have been correct. No, it could not have been.

But it was. Today was his birthday. He was now a year older, with nothing to show for it. His past few days had been spent cleaning the home of a strange and homicidal man who'd kidnapped him and then, left him to find ways to amuse himself. Light looked at his fingers. His math couldn't have been correct. No, it could not have been.

So, his birthday. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…He looked down at his feet, which were dirty from traipsing around with no shoes in the fairly dingy space he was confined to. The past was coming back and he didn't like it, didn't like it at all. He could have sworn that his cheeks were beginning to feel wet, but that was probably his imagination (or something like that…).

__

L was not having a good day. Strike that, L was not having any sort of goodness in his life, not since he'd taken on this horrid little case. He rubbed his forehead gingerly with his index and pointer finger. What had he ever done to deserve this?

A little voice in his head chided him and told him to look at the calendar. Not one to disobey the voices in his head, he clicked on the small icon on his desktop. It flipped open to declare loudly the date. The fork he'd been holding clattered to the floor as it sunk into L's mind the date. Oh my, well wasn't that terrible.

Light's birthday. Oh deary dear. Not a pleasant memory of his at all. He tapped a finger to the table and looked over at the few pictures he had scattered amongst his files. A smile graced his lips for a moment before it decayed with his good feelings. Light was no longer a close person, he was a victim that needed to be found. He shook his head and straightened himself out, trying to ready himself for the long hours of work ahead and get beyond the quiet tremors that were wracking him on the inside, all for that of a birthday.

__

It was quiet in the little kitchen that Light sat in. A slip of sun came in through the window and cast itself on the dying wooden table. His birthday wasn't that big of deal. Just another day that skipped by in his life, didn't have many left after all? He stared at one point on the table with out letting up, as if to look up would cause it to disappear.

Just a birthday, not like he wasn't used to spending it all alone.

__

BB merrily slashed at the young girl's legs, making precise little cuts here and there, concentrating so hard as to drown out the wretched thing's screams. Why had he forgotten his gag? Silly BB, always forgetting things, important things. This only made his work more difficult than it had been. He could stand shrieky things that weren't even pretty. He began to sing softly his Italian lullaby, the one he'd sung Light. It always helped the Light child sleep, whether he knew it or not.

Click.

He looked up and saw a very quiet Light standing above him and the girl. The girl began to scream louder, pleading with Light to get help, please, anything to save her. Light just stared blankly and looked at BB with a look that read blatant disapproval. BB smiled.

"Hello Light. Are you here to help me?"

"No." Light's voice was steely cold and his eyes were narrowed. He walked over to BB and kneeled down next to him. "I refuse to help you if this is what you are going to do."

BB giggled freakishly.

"Oh, but Light, I've always done this." Light frowned.

"That doesn't make it right…"

"It doesn't make it wrong." BB's voice sang out cheerfully.

"But it is wrong!" Light looked over at the girl, who was still panicking, "Look at her! She's frightened, and you are going to kill her. Who are you to end her life?"

BB paused for a moment. Oh dear. Light did bring up a lovely point. That wasn't acceptable at all.

"I am me. I do not decide when one dies. I only help. I can see when they die, Light, and I merely help them."

Light's face twisted into a not so pretty frown and he turned crossly to BB.

"But it doesn't matter. You are going to hurt her!"

"So. Someone else would have done it just as well as I would've."

"You are missing the point. It isn't some sort of sacrifice. It's out and out murder."

"Were it out and out murder, a much lesser person than I would have done it Light."

"You are…" Light stopped, his face was red and tears were about to fall. BB looked on with fascination. He hadn't expected the Light child to leak so easily. If he just pushed it just a little further…

"I am what Light? More than you are? I at least have more strength to deal with my problems, then let them sit inside me and rot while I play pretend with the rest of the world while the man who dumped me lives a merrily life."

Light snapped. His hand moved faster than his mind did and it flew, faster than a speeding bullet, its destination closer and closer.

Light slapped BB right across the face. An angry mark made itself known on BB's otherwise pale cheek, shaped like Light's delicate fingers. Light's face was full of rage and BB grinned at the tears that streamed down his face. The rosy hue that dusted Light's cheeks was wonderful, his whole body shaking with anger. What an angry dolly he was, BB mused.

"You don't ever talk about that!" Light exclaimed, shaking his finger, "I tell you my most secret of secrets and you use it against me, you bastard! I thought maybe there was some good in you, maybe. But no, you are just as much an inconsiderate jerk as he was. At least L was in a better profession then you, with your little murdering spree!"

BB's eyes widened. Light clamped a hand over his mouth after realizing his words. A strangled sound came out from past his hand and he squeezed his eyes shut before darting out of the room. BB watched those elegant legs move faster down the hall, away from the room. He glanced over to where the girl had been and noticed that she had gone. Oh deary dear. That was a problem.

He touched the stinging flesh gingerly, thinking, reflecting on the feelings that had rushed through his head. Pain, anger and…remorse. He had felt bad. BB never felt bad for doing anything, especially not stupid things like making silly Light cry.

He sighed loudly. Find the girl or help Light. Tough little decision to make for BB. He boredly traced his name with his foot and stared at the ceiling. L, L, L. What a silly and ridiculous name. Light could never have loved some one named L. He was far to logical for that, wasn't he? Why was BB even pondering this? He groaned and shook his head. Very bad for BB to begin feeling, very bad indeed.

Next he would begin to care and oh heaven help him then.

__

Light stood, shivering in the rain. It was cold, he was wet and it was his birthday. He hated his birthday. Hated it. Nothing good ever came from this wretched day.

Nothing at all.

He heard behind him foot steps and glanced at the figure coming forth. He frowned.

"Come inside Light. You will catch a cold."

"I don't care."

"Well I don't want to have to care for a sick Light, so come in."

Light turned around and thanked the rain silently for hiding his blood-shot eyes and tears.

"Too bad. Maybe I'll just die and then you won't have to worry anymore."

BB sighed. Light was being difficult now. He walked up to the younger male and stared down at him. Light hadn't realized how tall BB was. He was at a significant disadvantage, but also found mildly attractive.

"Light will come inside. Now."

"You can't boss me around."

"I can. And I am."

Light gave BB an obstinate look and stayed put. "Make me." He hissed out through his teeth, giving BB a vicious glare.

BB grinned and leaned down, circling his arms around Light's waist. Light began to panic as BB's lips slid softly onto his. He groaned quietly as the gentleness turn rough, BB possessively attacking his mouth.

BB smirked against Light's lips and kissed him with full intensity. Light moaned and, finding BB's neck, slipped his slight arms around it, twining his fingers together. It was mind numbing, this kiss, Light thought, He just wanted more and more of the mouth above his. He gasped slightly as BB grazed the sides of his stomach with his fingers. So perfect, like a dream.

The rain fell around them and suddenly, everything was silent, save the whispers of pleasure coming from their embrace. A romance novel sort of kiss, where the rain mattered not and the people together felt only each other's warmth and passion. Destructive and wonderful, creating and destroying, all from the lips locked in the precipitating air.

BB broke the kiss, panting softly onto Light's cheek, who was out of breath himself. He grinned at the sight of Light's flushed face, bruising lips, hanging open and red, red like two plump strawberries, waiting and begging BB to return to them. Softly, he trailed his lips up to whisper, seductively, in Light's ear:

"Happy Birthday Light."

__

L whirled around in his chair and allowed himself to wallow in self pity for a small amount of time.

"Mister Detective?"

He glanced over at a small girl, in a jacket, wet with her own blood he assume, who was holding herself in her own arms.

"Yes?"

"My name is Lana Yanderhaus. I, I need your help. Someone kidnapped me and…" she stopped suddenly and dropped to the floor. L rushed over and checked her pulse. Slowing. He removed his phone from his pocket and brief told Watari to call an ambulance.

Pocketing the cellular, he gazed down at the girl. Lana Yanderhaus. Well, L.Y., what a coincidence. He had a feeling that his day was looking up.

the end of chapter 3: birthday

__

a.n. 5 pages! I'm beat! *lazy...*

Oh, the woes of being involved. Too much, too much I say! I apologize to those who had almost lost hope. I bring this to you! Cheer happily!

(oh yes, and I did make L so lazy that he couldn't even dial 911 himself. He called Watari to do it. Lazy bastard…)

Oh the twists and turns…

By the by, the next chapter is the last one. Or second to last. Depends. This isn't going to be a very long story any how.

As always, please review. They make me write more (usually good writing)


	4. An interlude

Shattered Porcelain

I do not own Death note, nor its characters.

A short interlude:

Lana had always been told she had a winning smile. The kind of smile, her mother had said, that would take her places. She had hoped, hoped so bad that it hurt, that it would take her somewhere far away from where she had been. And it did. It took her far away, to a place where a gangly man with strange crimson eyes haunted the streets and enchanted her into returning with him. What was it that made those eyes so alluring? Certainly wasn't their color…

Lana only hoped now that her smile could get her in with L.

* * *

Beyond Birthday almost did it. He almost bedded little Light, almost did the nasty with that perfectly wonderful doll of his (because Light belonged to Beyond, more than he knew…). But he didn't. He didn't, didn't even get a blow (which would have been nice, seeing those dusty rose lips surround him and take it all in). Was it morality? Was it pride? Was it because he was afraid?

Probably not. Beyond wasn't really afraid of anything, except the boogie man (and pretty soon, the boogie man wasn't going to matter anymore…)

* * *

L was, first and foremost, upset about his security being breached. What was the use of spending all that money if in the end a 12 year old girl could just wander in? Honestly, what were things coming to these days?

Of course, when the little girl flashed her pearly whites and dropped a name, L began to take vested interest. He was, after all, only human…

"He kept telling me that it was B. BB. And there was someone else…I think his name was Light. He was the most beautiful thing ever. Do you think that that BB guy stole an angel?"

"I do not think I would put it past him…"

* * *

The birds were singing up in the trees, but could they hear them? No, there was much to be done. So much to be done on such an important day…it is no small feat when one is dealing with such things as they were.

* * *

"Oh."

"Yes, Light. It is time."

"Oh no. Already?"

"I am afraid so."

"But it is far too early. Can't it wait a few minutes?"

"Not now. It's happening."

"What's happening?"

"Everything."

* * *

_4 years past_

"L, did you know that monsters are real?"

"Why would you say that?"

"I think that I've found one…"

* * *

Soon, this will be over, and then, we can all go home. Home is where the heart is…

* * *

the end of the interlude


	5. Chapter 5

Shattered Porcelain

I do not own Death Note, nor the characters.

Chapter five: shattered porcelain

Beyond Birthday is a terrible name to have, Beyond Birthday, the terrible name to precede the terrible man. Beyond Birthday, the little boy with his knives and obsessions and broken dollies, all around him. A smear on the paperwork. Barely a blip on the radar.

And he had to kill Light, because he was just like every one else. Light wanted to be like everyone else, he wanted to be not special. He had to watch Light fade, watch it happen with the curious fascination that always seemed to touch him when such things happened. He had to. It was what he told Light would happen, and what he told himself would happen.

It would hurt. It did hurt. It hurt to see Light look at him and know, know that even if he wanted to help him, he couldn't. And then, Light, beautiful dolly Light, he would look at Beyond like everyone else, like he was an awful monster. Then he would smash Light.

Shattered porcelain, all over the floor.

--

Light knew that this was happening. He knew that there was something in the tea the man made for him. There was something in the way it glistened, something that made him cry and cry. It looked like L's eyes, god, he missed L's eyes.

"What's your name?"

"Beyond."

"Beyond, Beyond, why am I going to die?"

"Because you're beautiful Light. And beautiful people die."

Light looked at Beyond and fell into his arms, sobbing.

"I don't want to die Beyond. I want to be alive."

Beyond touched his back softly and sang to him in soft Italian. It was a lovely sound, the way it fell into Light's ears like bits of honey.

"When am I going to die Beyond, how, where?"

"You already died Light. Two hours ago, you were dead."

The tea. L's eyes. He always knew that detective would be the death of him. He looked at Beyond and Beyond smiled. It wasn't the smile of a killer. It was the smile of a sad little boy, a sad child who was losing their favorite toy. Hungrily he reached for Beyond's lips and tried, tried to kiss him good bye, but, but it was too late.

He slumped forward and the world went up in butterflies, beautiful black butterflies.

--

Letters were a rare occurrence, but still reached the Lawiet residence from time to time. This one was thin, with a plain stamp and address, with not a hint of a return address upon it. The envelope was stained and smelled like tea and faintly of spoiled milk.

L opened it, thinking it was another strange piece of evidence sent to him in hopes of making him take the person's case. It was a small piece of hotel memo paper, with a little note written on it in familiar scrawl.

"Dear L,

To find your gift, follow my map. To follow my map, read the rules.

Then you can have your gift.

-Beyond"

The map was a poorly written thing, but L recognized the streets quickly. He called his men and sent them to the place, riding with them.

A special gun sat beside him in the car, tilted against the glass of a photo frame. The gun was for Beyond. The kiss, the kiss that L had in his cheek, was for Light.

If they got there in time.

--

It was all very sudden L remembered. He walked in, a small dingy apartment that smelled like cleaner and old coffee. In the center of room was a box, wrapped in paper that had little angels carrying gifts and harps. It looked like a gift.

He knelt down next to it and carefully unwrapped the box, until it was just a cardboard box taped closed. He kept his gun in his hand and tore off the tape, pulling back the flaps.

It was Light's head, cut off and still warm, blood soaking through the bottom of the box.

L began to throw up.

--

The men would search the home. They would find Beyond, silly Beyond, in his study, surrounded by Light's body, chopped up in to bits and pieces. They would find him smiling in a puddle of milk, making swirls with his fingers and the red, red blood. The men would glare. Beyond would smile. Light would be dead. It was a terrible mess, a horrible mess, all covered in milk, blood, and spit.

They would take Beyond away, cuffs and take him past where L was sobbing and throwing up. Beyond would laugh and laugh and

laugh

laugh

because

it was the only way he could

cry.

--

After the cases was closed, the coffee was drained, and the computers shut off, the L would sit and look at the picture and look and wonder and feel hopeless.

The people would come and ask, ask the great detective if he cared, if he felt saddened by this poor boy's murder. L would try to answer, but he didn't have answers. He didn't know what to feel. But they kept asking and asking and asking, like it was their business to know.

No one bothered to ask Beyond.

Lana grew up and married. She had two children.

One she named Elle.

The other she named Light.

The end

A.N. Well that was angst fest I don't want to re-live.

Ever.

Please review…


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